Knight at the Movies ARCHIVES
Settling for Crumbs:
Alexander, Testosterone, Callas Forever
11-24-04 Knight at the Movies column
By Richard Knight, Jr.
This is a big week for gay movies – both overt (Testosterone), coincidental (Callas Forever) and
disguised (Alexander) – though none of them are likely to make the queer top ten anytime soon.
The much anticipated, overheated Alexander, director Oliver Stone’s rambling, unfocused take on the life of the
gay warrior, is finally here. The question of how graphically Stone gets into the gay stuff can be answered this
way: the movie’s a prick tease. Why would a studio green light a project about a historical figure as widely known
for his sexuality as for his amazing exploits and not expect to deal with it head on in our age of heightened “gay
awareness?” And knowing that the core audience for a picture like this would be the make-or-break 20-something
heterosexual “dude don’t touch me you big fag” demographic it seems disingenuous, to say the least, to not realize
that the issue of Alexander’s gay preferences would need to be addressed from the outset.
Regardless of whether or not Stone fought for a more explicit view of Alexander’s sexuality (and a Director’s Cut
DVD may answer that question), the end result decides to pander to the “sensitive” straight boys and play coy with
it. Therefore, scene after scene between Colin Farrell (in the title role) and Jared Leto (as Hephaestion,
Alexander's “special friend”) lead up to the bedroom (in fact, most of them take place IN the bedroom) but we
never get more than smoldering looks and “meaningful” hugs between them. Alexander’s relationship with Bagoas
the eunuch, the infamous Persian boy, also suffers from cinematic coitus interruptus – at one point we see a naked
Farrell hop beneath the goat skins and give a come hither look to Bagoas (played by Francisco Bosch, who never
speaks) before Stone blushingly cuts away.
We do get a supposed to be steamy wedding copulation between Alexander and his Asian “Barbarian” wife
Roxanne (Rosario Dawson), who he marries to “begat” a son. But Roxanne’s as much of a hellcat as Alex’s mother
(the snake obsessed Angelina Jolie) and looks like a cover girl for the next issue of Chicks With Dicks. It doesn’t
take Alexander long, we are told by Old Ptolemy the narrator (Anthony Hopkins), to stop visiting her tent and head
back to the arms of Bagoas and Hephastion.
Hopkins as the narrator is the framing device for the movie and though he intones on and on about Alexander’s
campaigns and how great he was for 173 minutes, unless you’re a historian it’s pretty confusing stuff and the
movie ends up giving the impression that Alexander’s conquests were the result of his trying to get away from his
mad as a hatter mother. The film has occasional set pieces that show Stone’s verve like the final battle scene with
the blood stained film and Alexander and his men wandering through the palace at Babylon and discovering the
harem like kids in a candy store. On the plus side are also excellent performances from Farrell and Jolie, Val
Kilmer as Alexander’s father, and Leto looking fetchingly pumped up and sporting more eye liner than Michael
Jackson. True to all these sword and sandal epics, the actors speak with a variety of accents, with Irish getting the
preference here, nice for comic relief.
In the end, this messy picture, dripping with a retro 80s music score courtesy of Vangelis, isn’t going to really
satisfy any audience completely though confirmed heterosexual Farrell does get honorary membership into the gay
movie hall of fame for playing Alexander and Bobby earlier this year in A Home At The End Of The World (just out
on DVD). But Oliver Stone is going to have to submit another application. Sorry.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Pablo (Antonio Sabato, Jr.) goes out for cigarettes one night and doesn’t return leaving his comic book artist lover
Dean (David Sutcliffe) in the lurch. Dean is bereft and can’t focus on the deadline that his agent, Louise (the foul
mouthed Jennifer Coolidge) keeps reminding him of. A chance encounter with Pablo’s mother (the exquisite, fiery
Sonia Braga) convinces him that Pablo has returned to Argentina. Without another thought, Dean hops on a plane
and heads for Buenos Aries to bring back his true love.
This is the set up for Testosterone, which begins as a sorta screwball comedy but abruptly shifts into Fatal
Attraction territory when Dean’s heartbreak turns into anger and a desire for revenge. It sounds much more
plausible written down than it does on the screen and the picture suffers from attention deficit disorder –
constantly switching tones from scene to scene. One idea that does resonate: the thought (reinforced by Dean’s
memories of making love with Pablo) that someone would go through hell to have another go with the eerie
physical beauty that is Sabato, Jr.
It might even making sitting through Testosterone a second time worth it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jeremy Irons plays the gay Larry Kelly, a concert producer in Franco Zeffirelli’s Callas Forever which opens
this Friday. It’s 1977 and Larry’s in Paris to produce a concert but he’s still got time for a little romance with the
much younger Michael (Jay Rodan), a cute abstract painter, and to try to convince old friend Maria Callas (Fanny
Ardant) to make a film lip-synching to her old recordings. After an artistic tussle, the voice ravaged Callas agrees
to Carmen, which she recorded but never played. Ardant, the essence of French sensuality (witness her
performances in Elizabeth and 8 Women), looks smashing in the Chanel clothes but doesn’t have the crazed
intensity of the legendarily difficult opera singer who brought new meaning to the word “diva.” Still, like
Zeffirelli's previous film outing, Tea With Mussolini, there’s an agreeable assemblage of talent, sumptuous
photography and sets and lots of male eye candy on display. This fictional, amiable paean to diva worship and its
consequences is easily the best of this lot of semi queer films and offers the reward of ample doses of That Voice –
and this from someone who’s not an Opera Queen.
Alexander, Testosterone, Callas Forever
11-24-04 Knight at the Movies column
By Richard Knight, Jr.
This is a big week for gay movies – both overt (Testosterone), coincidental (Callas Forever) and
disguised (Alexander) – though none of them are likely to make the queer top ten anytime soon.
The much anticipated, overheated Alexander, director Oliver Stone’s rambling, unfocused take on the life of the
gay warrior, is finally here. The question of how graphically Stone gets into the gay stuff can be answered this
way: the movie’s a prick tease. Why would a studio green light a project about a historical figure as widely known
for his sexuality as for his amazing exploits and not expect to deal with it head on in our age of heightened “gay
awareness?” And knowing that the core audience for a picture like this would be the make-or-break 20-something
heterosexual “dude don’t touch me you big fag” demographic it seems disingenuous, to say the least, to not realize
that the issue of Alexander’s gay preferences would need to be addressed from the outset.
Regardless of whether or not Stone fought for a more explicit view of Alexander’s sexuality (and a Director’s Cut
DVD may answer that question), the end result decides to pander to the “sensitive” straight boys and play coy with
it. Therefore, scene after scene between Colin Farrell (in the title role) and Jared Leto (as Hephaestion,
Alexander's “special friend”) lead up to the bedroom (in fact, most of them take place IN the bedroom) but we
never get more than smoldering looks and “meaningful” hugs between them. Alexander’s relationship with Bagoas
the eunuch, the infamous Persian boy, also suffers from cinematic coitus interruptus – at one point we see a naked
Farrell hop beneath the goat skins and give a come hither look to Bagoas (played by Francisco Bosch, who never
speaks) before Stone blushingly cuts away.
We do get a supposed to be steamy wedding copulation between Alexander and his Asian “Barbarian” wife
Roxanne (Rosario Dawson), who he marries to “begat” a son. But Roxanne’s as much of a hellcat as Alex’s mother
(the snake obsessed Angelina Jolie) and looks like a cover girl for the next issue of Chicks With Dicks. It doesn’t
take Alexander long, we are told by Old Ptolemy the narrator (Anthony Hopkins), to stop visiting her tent and head
back to the arms of Bagoas and Hephastion.
Hopkins as the narrator is the framing device for the movie and though he intones on and on about Alexander’s
campaigns and how great he was for 173 minutes, unless you’re a historian it’s pretty confusing stuff and the
movie ends up giving the impression that Alexander’s conquests were the result of his trying to get away from his
mad as a hatter mother. The film has occasional set pieces that show Stone’s verve like the final battle scene with
the blood stained film and Alexander and his men wandering through the palace at Babylon and discovering the
harem like kids in a candy store. On the plus side are also excellent performances from Farrell and Jolie, Val
Kilmer as Alexander’s father, and Leto looking fetchingly pumped up and sporting more eye liner than Michael
Jackson. True to all these sword and sandal epics, the actors speak with a variety of accents, with Irish getting the
preference here, nice for comic relief.
In the end, this messy picture, dripping with a retro 80s music score courtesy of Vangelis, isn’t going to really
satisfy any audience completely though confirmed heterosexual Farrell does get honorary membership into the gay
movie hall of fame for playing Alexander and Bobby earlier this year in A Home At The End Of The World (just out
on DVD). But Oliver Stone is going to have to submit another application. Sorry.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Pablo (Antonio Sabato, Jr.) goes out for cigarettes one night and doesn’t return leaving his comic book artist lover
Dean (David Sutcliffe) in the lurch. Dean is bereft and can’t focus on the deadline that his agent, Louise (the foul
mouthed Jennifer Coolidge) keeps reminding him of. A chance encounter with Pablo’s mother (the exquisite, fiery
Sonia Braga) convinces him that Pablo has returned to Argentina. Without another thought, Dean hops on a plane
and heads for Buenos Aries to bring back his true love.
This is the set up for Testosterone, which begins as a sorta screwball comedy but abruptly shifts into Fatal
Attraction territory when Dean’s heartbreak turns into anger and a desire for revenge. It sounds much more
plausible written down than it does on the screen and the picture suffers from attention deficit disorder –
constantly switching tones from scene to scene. One idea that does resonate: the thought (reinforced by Dean’s
memories of making love with Pablo) that someone would go through hell to have another go with the eerie
physical beauty that is Sabato, Jr.
It might even making sitting through Testosterone a second time worth it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jeremy Irons plays the gay Larry Kelly, a concert producer in Franco Zeffirelli’s Callas Forever which opens
this Friday. It’s 1977 and Larry’s in Paris to produce a concert but he’s still got time for a little romance with the
much younger Michael (Jay Rodan), a cute abstract painter, and to try to convince old friend Maria Callas (Fanny
Ardant) to make a film lip-synching to her old recordings. After an artistic tussle, the voice ravaged Callas agrees
to Carmen, which she recorded but never played. Ardant, the essence of French sensuality (witness her
performances in Elizabeth and 8 Women), looks smashing in the Chanel clothes but doesn’t have the crazed
intensity of the legendarily difficult opera singer who brought new meaning to the word “diva.” Still, like
Zeffirelli's previous film outing, Tea With Mussolini, there’s an agreeable assemblage of talent, sumptuous
photography and sets and lots of male eye candy on display. This fictional, amiable paean to diva worship and its
consequences is easily the best of this lot of semi queer films and offers the reward of ample doses of That Voice –
and this from someone who’s not an Opera Queen.
Gay, Gay, Gay -- but not so good
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