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Chris Evans as Johnny Storm sets himself -- and the female and gay audience members -- on fire in his signature shirtless scene,
Doug Jones who portrays the Silver Surfer at one of the film's premieres
Doug Jones who portrays the Silver Surfer at one of the film's premieres
Fantastic Physiques:
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
6-15-07 "Knight Thoughts" web exclusive
By Richard Knight, Jr.
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
6-15-07 "Knight Thoughts" web exclusive
By Richard Knight, Jr.
Chris Evans plays Johnny Storm, the egocentric comic book hunk blessed with a talent for turning himself into a blazing torch that
soars overhead like a 4th of July firecracker. But the producers of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer know that the real
appeal of this character as portrayed by Evans is not his cockiness that veers on stupidity; it’s that moment in every Evans movie
when he takes his shirt off. Though producers don’t exactly acknowledge the presence of gay men eagerly queued up to see their
testosterone bulging blockbusters, they must be aware that some portion of their audience wants to see these action stars sans
shirts. How else to explain the subtle homoeroticism in yet another of this summer’s action fests?
Evans isn’t much of an actor but neither is Jessica Alba (with her spectacular countenance and shapely curves) or the guy who plays
the rock man or Julian MacMahon who sneers and slinks around enough to have given George Sanders a run for his money. I
realize that I’m not remembering the character names or anything much other than their super powers, the size of Alba’s lips, Evans’
spectacular torso, and the fact that the Silver Man who, yes, does indeed zip in and out riding a silver surfboard, also has a nice
physique but is devoid of genitals (and is voiced for reasons that I couldn't understand by Laurence Fishburne who surely has one of
cinema's most identifiable voices).
The actor that really registered with me was Ioan Gruffudd as the main super hero/scientist guy. That’s because he played a brainy,
out and proud nerd who also looked pretty fetching in his blue tights and didn’t seem like he was sleepwalking through the movie. I
also liked that he told off the insufferable Andre Braugher as a General. Braugher plays everything, including his role here, in what
has become his trademark overbearing, sanctimonious manner. Very Johnny One Note.
I didn’t see the first movie in the series but based on this one, I'm guessing that's no big whoop. The plot focuses on two points:
Ioan and Alba as rubber band man and invisible lady, keep trying to get married but duty keeps interrupting them and secondly, the
sleek surfer who whooshes around the world, causing lots of havoc and mixing up the chromosomes of the superheroes when he
touches them.
There’s not really one sequence that stands out in the movie but that seemed to be okay with the audience who didn’t eat up the
dumb dumb plot and the well done special effects but didn’t shift and text message and chat loudly on their cell phones either. And
again, the prominent eye candy cast was a big plus. But I should point out this was also an audience that cheered equally for a
preview of The Bourne Ultimatum, the epic comedy Underdog, something called Daddy Day Camp, and only went really crazy for the
preview of the next installment of the Harry Potter series (“I have GOT to be first in line for that” a woman behind me commented).
With my eyes closed I could have told you that I was adrift in a sea of summer blockbuster enthusiasts who just want something
diverting and don't much care WHAT it is. Nothing in the movie that followed seemed to get them quite so enervated as that Potter
preview (Evan’s chest being the exception to that) but this is not surprising, I suppose, given the season and the level of quality of
that season so far.
I hasten to add a big plus for the movie. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer has something else going for it that none of the
other summer entries have had the good sense to ape: economy. The picture, light as a feather, as empty headed and forgettable
as one might expect, wrapped up in less than 90 minutes which made the serviceable plot and the zippy special effects an okay
waste of time. That doesn’t sound like much of a recommendation but what else to say about yet another comic book movie? At
least it didn’t punish the audience the way Spiderman 3 or Pirates 3 did. That’s saying something – even though it’s actually very little.
soars overhead like a 4th of July firecracker. But the producers of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer know that the real
appeal of this character as portrayed by Evans is not his cockiness that veers on stupidity; it’s that moment in every Evans movie
when he takes his shirt off. Though producers don’t exactly acknowledge the presence of gay men eagerly queued up to see their
testosterone bulging blockbusters, they must be aware that some portion of their audience wants to see these action stars sans
shirts. How else to explain the subtle homoeroticism in yet another of this summer’s action fests?
Evans isn’t much of an actor but neither is Jessica Alba (with her spectacular countenance and shapely curves) or the guy who plays
the rock man or Julian MacMahon who sneers and slinks around enough to have given George Sanders a run for his money. I
realize that I’m not remembering the character names or anything much other than their super powers, the size of Alba’s lips, Evans’
spectacular torso, and the fact that the Silver Man who, yes, does indeed zip in and out riding a silver surfboard, also has a nice
physique but is devoid of genitals (and is voiced for reasons that I couldn't understand by Laurence Fishburne who surely has one of
cinema's most identifiable voices).
The actor that really registered with me was Ioan Gruffudd as the main super hero/scientist guy. That’s because he played a brainy,
out and proud nerd who also looked pretty fetching in his blue tights and didn’t seem like he was sleepwalking through the movie. I
also liked that he told off the insufferable Andre Braugher as a General. Braugher plays everything, including his role here, in what
has become his trademark overbearing, sanctimonious manner. Very Johnny One Note.
I didn’t see the first movie in the series but based on this one, I'm guessing that's no big whoop. The plot focuses on two points:
Ioan and Alba as rubber band man and invisible lady, keep trying to get married but duty keeps interrupting them and secondly, the
sleek surfer who whooshes around the world, causing lots of havoc and mixing up the chromosomes of the superheroes when he
touches them.
There’s not really one sequence that stands out in the movie but that seemed to be okay with the audience who didn’t eat up the
dumb dumb plot and the well done special effects but didn’t shift and text message and chat loudly on their cell phones either. And
again, the prominent eye candy cast was a big plus. But I should point out this was also an audience that cheered equally for a
preview of The Bourne Ultimatum, the epic comedy Underdog, something called Daddy Day Camp, and only went really crazy for the
preview of the next installment of the Harry Potter series (“I have GOT to be first in line for that” a woman behind me commented).
With my eyes closed I could have told you that I was adrift in a sea of summer blockbuster enthusiasts who just want something
diverting and don't much care WHAT it is. Nothing in the movie that followed seemed to get them quite so enervated as that Potter
preview (Evan’s chest being the exception to that) but this is not surprising, I suppose, given the season and the level of quality of
that season so far.
I hasten to add a big plus for the movie. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer has something else going for it that none of the
other summer entries have had the good sense to ape: economy. The picture, light as a feather, as empty headed and forgettable
as one might expect, wrapped up in less than 90 minutes which made the serviceable plot and the zippy special effects an okay
waste of time. That doesn’t sound like much of a recommendation but what else to say about yet another comic book movie? At
least it didn’t punish the audience the way Spiderman 3 or Pirates 3 did. That’s saying something – even though it’s actually very little.
